Gail Sheehy wrote a book in 1976 entitled  Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life. It stayed on the New York Times bestseller list for three years. It basically told of what a person experiences in their 20's, 30's, 40's and 50's and described how each person had to go through these passages in a certain order. One could not just jump from how one is at 20 and suddenly have characteristics one would have at 40. 

     I liken it to the horoscopes. Each sign in the horoscope has certain traits. If I look up my sign, I may see certain characteristics that align with my personality. The positive traits I definitely agree with and the negative traits make me think I am getting a bad rap, but overall, I can relate.

     With Passages, the age characteristics are outlined along with conflicts that are encountered and how they are resolved (or not). Just like with horoscopes, one can agree or deny that certain traits exist at a certain age when applied to his or her lifetime. Usually, though, if one looks at all of the characteristics as a whole, one can at least see a minimum of certain similarities that may apply.

     As I look back on my life, I can see how those passages played out. For the most part, I am as laid back as I was in my twenties, but my rose-colored glasses have definitely been removed. I once took a personality test at work years ago, and I was in a group by myself. I cannot remember any of the characteristics except one: I do not like making waves. Truer words have never been spoken. I will turn into a pretzel to accommodate various personalities. If I have a conflict with someone, more than likely either I am about to be pushed off of a ledge or the person has managed to trigger something primal in me in which my action cannot be controlled. (See if THAT quality can be found in a horoscope and you may have found mine.)

     I am still an optimist, but the goal I had of changing the world and making it a better place has been tempered with the reality that the world has changed me. The lines between things that are in my control and things that areut of my control have been blurred so many times. Thus, as the premise of the book states, by the time middle age is reached, there is a resignation. One can only do so much with life in the time allotted.

     As we age, a popular saying goes, "If I knew then, what I know now..." Notice how there is no comfort in that saying. There is only regret. My wisdom tells me that as much as I feel that would have made a difference in the outcome of my life, in the long run, everything comes out in the wash.

     There are no guarantees in life. For instance, I left a 4-year college midway through to have a family. Eventually, I received an associate's degree from another college, which thankfully gave me a lucrative vocation.

     For most of my life, I could not help but think: What if I would have graduated with a bachelor's degree? Would I have been a doctor, a tenured professor, a rocket scientist, etc.? Well, the people who have made it to the upper echelon of society via matriculation have their own set of life problems. Does that make me feel better about my place in society? No, not really BUT when I look back on where I COULD have ended up, I have done really well in doing what I call a save...mitigating the damages on what may have been the end of my formal education.

     I am a born-again Christian. I believe that because of the benevolence of GOD, another chance is created, when failure occurs,  to hit the purpose-of-life mark again but with a different path. I also believe that is possible that my initial failure may have been a part of the Divine Plan for me all along. In the book of Ezekiel, it says that man may search the world for answers and never find them. 

     Yes, resignation is indeed a part of my age trait. I have resigned myself now to shooting for the sky instead of shooting for the moon in my middle age. However, Passages only goes to the fifties. That is a built-in limitation of the book. This limitation gives me hope for the next decade, and the next, and the next.